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Motherhood: How to Handle the Unexpected

November 12, 2016

Being a mom has meant an induction into an unexpected hall of fame. One that is not as shiny as outside impressions would have you think. Here’s how to handle the unexpected.

Being a mom has meant an induction into an unexpected hall of fame. One not as shiny as outside impressions would have you think.

Motherhood sure has been a very unexpected journey. In January, celebrated my six birth day. My eldest will turn 6 and I will relive the weeks, days and hours leading up to his birth as a I do every year. I am a mommy. I earned that title at 8:44pm on a Thursday in a Texas hospital. My son was 2 weeks late and 15 minutes away from a c-section. The details of that birth are for another time (you can read about it here if you’d like), but I share my rocky-not-as-I-envisioned beginning to help illustrate my entrance into motherhood. It came much later than I expected in a much more complicated way than I thought.

That has been my experience with most of my adventures as a mom. The romantic notion of hot, fresh and healthy breakfasts served daily, followed by stories snuggled on the couch and a little homeschooling and park adventures in between, starting dinner and kissing my husband as he walks through the door from work is, well, just a romantic notion. We do have hot breakfast but it is often coming out of the toaster oven and compliments of Kroger brand waffles. We do enjoy books snuggled on the couch but we also watch too much television and skip story time if bath-time takes a turn for the worst and everyone, including mommy, is falling apart.

Reality includes:

  • snotty noses
  • three-year-old tantrums (which are much worse than the infamous terrible twos!)
  • destroyed playrooms that were carefully and lovingly cleaned only seconds prior to said massacre.

Being a mom has meant:

  • crumbs everywhere. every. where.
  • stress in marriage.
  • lots of noise
  • screams (both mine and that of my children)
  • no more time.
  • no time.

Being a mom has meant an induction into an unexpected hall of fame. One not as shiny as outside impressions would have you think.

Being a mom has meant an induction into an unexpected hall of fame. One that is not as shiny as outside impressions would have you think.

Being a mom has meant an induction into a hall of fame that is not as shiny as I thought.

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As Lisa Jo Baker said in her book Surprised by Motherhood: “Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And it’s especially not for the type A personalities accustomed to having their ducks in a row, and all their check boxes checked, and their sofa cushions, cereal boxes, and entire lives neatly arranged”.

I don’t like to admit it but I definitely live in the type A camp. A clean house isn’t asking too much is it? A check mark beside each item on my to do list makes me feel accomplished! When the day doesn’t go as planned, I definitely find it hard to be okay . None of these things are bad by the way. The problem is when the doing gets in the way of being. When the envisioned outcome becomes prized over reality, we lose sight of what motherhood is all about. Kids bring crazy and we can embrace it or exhaust ourselves trying to live out an ideal with which no one can keep up.

Embrace the Unexpected

As we peel away this mistaken fairytale take on motherhood, we can begin to embrace this mommy gig for what it is:

  • hard
  • breathtakingly beautiful
  • hard
  • glorious
  • heart- Rending
  • amazing
  • hard
  • a priceless gift

What’s Your Story?

What about you? Share what your induction story looks like? What has surprised you most about being a mom? Comment below!

Want more?

What I’m feeling must be who I am, right? Read the next post on how easy it is to swing from Super Mom to Super Fail all by what happens next. If you missed the first post you can check it out here!

 

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Filed Under: kids and faith, motherhood, parenting

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  1. A Good Mom: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally ⋆ PattyParker.me says:
    April 20, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    […] It is so easy to look at the outside appearances of a mommy who looks like she has it all together. Social media alone can paint a picture of parenting perfection that can cause us to feel as if we’ll never measure up. Check out this post, and join me as we put an end to this comparison trap often referred to as the mommy wars. And check out the last post here! […]

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Intentional Mom in Training

Raising kids who are kind, generous and thoughtful takes work! Want some help? Here's a download to get you started.

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Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in action. 
Today we’ll walk for a friend we’ve never met but today he would have been 26. 
His life was snuffed out not because of anything he did. Rather, because his skin color was *wrong*. So today we walk because our skin color is *right*. And we just can’t take these lies any more. 
Because kindness can be shown  with words but it flexes its strength when it moves. When it stands up for others who are created equal but not treated equal. 
Today we walk with our brothers and sisters of color—beautiful color—who need to be heard. Need to be seen. 
Who need to walk/run/jog/laugh/smile/enter a room without fear that their life may be in danger. 
My children will learn that kindness is strength in action. And it starts today— with a walk.  #ahmaudarbery 
#runforahmaud #runforahmaudarbery
“Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devi “Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devin.” My 4 year old son and 18 month old daughter peered at the little red ball yawning and stretching in my arms. “Can I hold him mommy?” Dom held out his arms to hold his new little brother. 
Throughout the day, he came over to stare at his sleeping sibling; offering  hugs before rushing off to play. 
Charlee was equally smitten. With her own baby in her arms, she followed me wherever I went. When I changed the baby’s diaper, she changed her baby doll’s diaper. When I rocked Devin, she rocked her own bundle of joy. 
A family of five felt wonderful. Until—“Mommy, I don’t feel well.” Marshall took Dom to the Doctor. I put my fretting to good use while rocking the baby with Charlee by my side. “It’s pneumonia,” read the text. 
A few days later, Charlee began tugging at her ears. “Looks like an ear infection,” said the dr. “I’ll prescribe an antibiotic.” Worried about the baby, we began Operation Sibling Quarantine. Too late. 
Devin tested positive for RSV at two weeks old. 
Little did I know this was just a taste of what was ahead for our family. Dom would get sick. Two days later, Charlee would come down with a fever. Two days later, I wouldn’t feel so hot. The cycle continued—each family member generously taking his turn with a bout of sickness. “What are you doing?” Marshall asked. 
I stood facing our wall calendar. “I’m tracking who gets sick. Maybe it’s not as bad as it feels.” A month in, I stopped. It was as bad as it felt. 
The struggles extended into nap schedules, car seat arrangements, laundry, bathing, and clothing our family. “It’s our third baby! Shouldn’t we know what we are doing by now?!” At a MOPS meeting, seated across from a mom of three grown boys, I got my answer.
“It takes at least a year to find a new normal after having a baby. Every time.” She continued, “Every time a child is added into the picture, the entire family will need to get a handle on the changes that come with the new addition.” Oh.
**************
Want to read more? I’m looking for feedback from moms with more than one kid or preparing to have that second or third bundle of joy. 
PM me for details!!

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