• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
  • Welcome to Motherhood
  • Blog

PattyParker.me

Welcome to Motherhood!

You are here: Home / kids and faith / 4 Words You Need to Know to Ditch the Comparison Game

4 Words You Need to Know to Ditch the Comparison Game

December 11, 2016

A Tale of Two Comparisons

The other day, at church, there was a special program for families in place of the regular service called Jingle Jam. We were all so excited for the music and acting and dancing and knew it would the perfect way to introduce our daughter to the main service! We had experienced a relatively calm morning which included baths for all and I even managed to take care of my hair and make-up! All was well as we dropped the baby off in the nursery and made our way to the main service with our 3 year old daughter and five year old son. And then the music started. With it, came the incessant complaints and bathroom queries from my daughter.

“I’m tired!”

“I’m hungry!”

“I’m thirsty!”

“Is it over yet?”

“I need to go to the bathroom!”

I would hush her and pacify her requests with a “We’ll eat later” or “Why don’t you lay in mommy’s lap.” After her 4 millionth request, I took her to the bathroom. As we returned, her attention became fixated on the music video showing on the large video screen. I let my guard down and hoped that the worst of her behavior was behind us. But as soon as the actors took the stage again, her questions came rolling in one right after the other. Then at the most critical moment in the program, as the narrator is admonishing from the stage for all to hear and understand that joy comes through knowing Jesus Christ, Charlee’s whimpers became so incredibly loud. Louder and louder and one final, “Are we done yet?” just sent me over the edge.

I just lost it.

I picked her up and in a huff walked to the back of the room and out the doors. “Yes, We are definitely done,” I angrily muttered under my breath and I carried her out into the lobby area. I was so mad. So frustrated and so embarrassed. It wasn’t supposed to go down like this!

At the conclusion of the program, my husband emerged with our son.  I had already retrieved the baby from the nursery and requested that we leave immediately since Charlee was soooo hungry and soooo thirsty and soooo tired. And I was soooo mad and had none of the JOY they had just spent so much time creatively talking about at church. Ugh.

The next day I hosted a playdate in my home. As the children happily played, I confided in my friend that our Sunday morning had not been what I envisioned. She proceeded to share her frustrations and suddenly I didn’t feel alone. I wasn’t the only one who had placed great expectations on the temperature of the day only to be let down by the short attention span of a 3-year-old. Later that day, my friend texted me thanking me for hosting and shared with me these words of solidarity  that I now share with you (with her permission of course).

“I didn’t get a chance to say earlier but when we were leaving Jingle Jam, frustrated, we passed y’all in your car leaving church and I thought, oh if our children were only more behaved like Patty and Marshall’s kids we could have had a less stressful time today. I hadn’t even realized your struggles with Charlee. Oh how harshly we judge ourselves sometimes.”

The Comparison Trap

Oh the comparison trap. My friends, it is ridiculously easy to look at the outward appearances of a mom and determine that she has it all together. Social media alone can work it’s debilitating magic in painting a picture of parenting perfection that can cause us to feel as if we’ll never measure up.

If appearances were not enough, we take note of baby’s milestones or mommy’s post pregnancy weight loss and the self-loathing continues.

You drag yourself into work sleep deprived thanks to your one year old only to hear your co-workers baby is sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old. What!

The comparisons are endless.

Do your kids:

  • Sleep through the night
  • Behave in public
  • Excel in school
  • Wear matching socks

Do you:

  • Hold your temper
  • Control a situation

Have you:

  • Lost the baby weight
  • Started cooking healthy meals
  • Gone back to work
  • Stayed home

Did you decide to:

  • Public school
  • Home school

Comparison is a…

Bob Goff has a saying: “Comparison is a punk.” Isn’t it crazy how we think everyone else has it together when in all reality they are just trying to keep it together, too?

Can I let you and myself off the hook? Say these four words with me.

Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

4 words you need to know to ditch the motherhood comparison game

If you are loving your children well, teaching them to be kind and loving followers of Christ, and helping them along the way when they struggle, then the appearance of the kid-in-progress does not matter that much.

Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat, my friend.

Whether you homeschool or choose the public route: Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

Whether your child catches on in school and makes good grades or you struggle for every C your child makes: Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

If your child does the miraculous and behaves in public or throws herself to the ground in disgust over your suggestions to go to Chickfila for lunch…I mean… “How dare you suggest their favorite restaurant?!” Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

Leave it Behind

You’ve got this, precious momma. Leave the comparison game behind and focus on these four words. Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

Leave the comparison game behind and focus on these four words. Love. Guide. Correct. Repeat.

Click To Tweet

Love your precious and crazy crew. Guide them as they age to make the right choice, the kind choice, and when they get off track, lead them back. And repeat. Again and again and again.

Want More?

Being a mom is both the greatest and most difficult life-time calling a woman can undertake. Read this post as we wrap up this series and covenant with one another to love our children fiercely and toss the thermometer for good! If you missed the last post you can read it here!

Want More?

Filed Under: kids and faith, motherhood, parenting

2 Comments

Reader Interactions

Trackbacks

  1. A Good Mom: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally ⋆ PattyParker.me says:
    April 20, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    […] of parenting perfection that can cause us to feel as if we’ll never measure up. Check out this post, and join me as we put an end to this comparison trap often referred to as the mommy wars. And […]

    Reply
  2. 10 More Simple Sayings to Break Down Hard Concepts for Kids ⋆ PattyParker.me says:
    November 1, 2018 at 12:09 am

    […] Is this not the sweetest little poem?! My friend Beth shared it with me and I am in love with the sentiment. Our children need to know that we are in their corner no matter what. As you parent your sweet kids, choose your words with grace and love them deeply. […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

About Me

Intentional Mom in Training

Raising kids who are kind, generous and thoughtful takes work! Want some help? Here's a download to get you started.

Insta

Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in action. 
Today we’ll walk for a friend we’ve never met but today he would have been 26. 
His life was snuffed out not because of anything he did. Rather, because his skin color was *wrong*. So today we walk because our skin color is *right*. And we just can’t take these lies any more. 
Because kindness can be shown  with words but it flexes its strength when it moves. When it stands up for others who are created equal but not treated equal. 
Today we walk with our brothers and sisters of color—beautiful color—who need to be heard. Need to be seen. 
Who need to walk/run/jog/laugh/smile/enter a room without fear that their life may be in danger. 
My children will learn that kindness is strength in action. And it starts today— with a walk.  #ahmaudarbery 
#runforahmaud #runforahmaudarbery
“Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devi “Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devin.” My 4 year old son and 18 month old daughter peered at the little red ball yawning and stretching in my arms. “Can I hold him mommy?” Dom held out his arms to hold his new little brother. 
Throughout the day, he came over to stare at his sleeping sibling; offering  hugs before rushing off to play. 
Charlee was equally smitten. With her own baby in her arms, she followed me wherever I went. When I changed the baby’s diaper, she changed her baby doll’s diaper. When I rocked Devin, she rocked her own bundle of joy. 
A family of five felt wonderful. Until—“Mommy, I don’t feel well.” Marshall took Dom to the Doctor. I put my fretting to good use while rocking the baby with Charlee by my side. “It’s pneumonia,” read the text. 
A few days later, Charlee began tugging at her ears. “Looks like an ear infection,” said the dr. “I’ll prescribe an antibiotic.” Worried about the baby, we began Operation Sibling Quarantine. Too late. 
Devin tested positive for RSV at two weeks old. 
Little did I know this was just a taste of what was ahead for our family. Dom would get sick. Two days later, Charlee would come down with a fever. Two days later, I wouldn’t feel so hot. The cycle continued—each family member generously taking his turn with a bout of sickness. “What are you doing?” Marshall asked. 
I stood facing our wall calendar. “I’m tracking who gets sick. Maybe it’s not as bad as it feels.” A month in, I stopped. It was as bad as it felt. 
The struggles extended into nap schedules, car seat arrangements, laundry, bathing, and clothing our family. “It’s our third baby! Shouldn’t we know what we are doing by now?!” At a MOPS meeting, seated across from a mom of three grown boys, I got my answer.
“It takes at least a year to find a new normal after having a baby. Every time.” She continued, “Every time a child is added into the picture, the entire family will need to get a handle on the changes that come with the new addition.” Oh.
**************
Want to read more? I’m looking for feedback from moms with more than one kid or preparing to have that second or third bundle of joy. 
PM me for details!!

PattyParker.me © 2021 · Created By Coded Creative

Copyright © 2021 · Ava Mae on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in