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Kindness is Strength in Action

May 8, 2020

His kind eyes and smile started showing up in my Facebook feed early Thursday morning; the hashtag #irunwithmaud not far behind. A young man, not quite 26, had lost his life while on a jog in his neighborhood.

Why? Because his skin color was wrong.

Ugh.

As I scrolled through the posts of my friends of color— and read their words, mourning the loss of yet another life in a senseless murder—the dots finally connected.

I am a suburban white female living in one of the most affluent cities in the country. My skin color is right. And I am raising children whose skin color is right.

How can I help my kids understand what just happened? How should we respond?

I asked these words of friends of color and raising children of color.

My friend, Mandy, shared these words and with her permission, I share them with you.

We have… an on going dialogue with our kids about race, stereotypes, privilege. Ignoring it or choosing not to have conversations with your kids because you want to “protect them” or “keep them innocent” is incredibly selfish. Because people of color do not ever have that luxury. …if we want our kids to be able to see how to respond when people are treated unfairly they of course have to see us model that for them! The temptation as a white person is often to not say anything for fear of causing problems or “making waves”. But that is just not helpful or healing at all!

So this is where we started.

Talk About It

Thursday night, my husband and I sat across from our eldest—a white affluent male.

“Dom. Mommy and Daddy need to tell you something very sad.”

“A man was killed because of his skin color.”

His eyes widened.

” Tomorrow this young man would have turned 26. His mom will not have him on Mother’s Day. So we are going to walk for him.”

Grow to Understand

On the recommendation of a friend, we picked up this book about Bold Women in Black History by Vashti Harrison. It’s filled with gorgeous illustrations about women of color who have made extraordinary contributions to our country.

We will read this book and talk about their contributions. We’ll talk about their skin color. We will say repeatedly that their skin color is right.

Act

We will also acknowledge that no matter how much we know our friends of color deserve dignity that it is not freely given—yet.

We will continue to ask our friends how we can fight for them, advocate for their safety, their rights, their dignity.

And we won’t be silent. We will demonstrate our kindness through a strength that comes through action.

And we will start with a walk for our friend Ahmaud.

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Filed Under: parenting, racial advocacy

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Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is strength in action. 
Today we’ll walk for a friend we’ve never met but today he would have been 26. 
His life was snuffed out not because of anything he did. Rather, because his skin color was *wrong*. So today we walk because our skin color is *right*. And we just can’t take these lies any more. 
Because kindness can be shown  with words but it flexes its strength when it moves. When it stands up for others who are created equal but not treated equal. 
Today we walk with our brothers and sisters of color—beautiful color—who need to be heard. Need to be seen. 
Who need to walk/run/jog/laugh/smile/enter a room without fear that their life may be in danger. 
My children will learn that kindness is strength in action. And it starts today— with a walk.  #ahmaudarbery 
#runforahmaud #runforahmaudarbery
“Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devi “Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devin.” My 4 year old son and 18 month old daughter peered at the little red ball yawning and stretching in my arms. “Can I hold him mommy?” Dom held out his arms to hold his new little brother. 
Throughout the day, he came over to stare at his sleeping sibling; offering  hugs before rushing off to play. 
Charlee was equally smitten. With her own baby in her arms, she followed me wherever I went. When I changed the baby’s diaper, she changed her baby doll’s diaper. When I rocked Devin, she rocked her own bundle of joy. 
A family of five felt wonderful. Until—“Mommy, I don’t feel well.” Marshall took Dom to the Doctor. I put my fretting to good use while rocking the baby with Charlee by my side. “It’s pneumonia,” read the text. 
A few days later, Charlee began tugging at her ears. “Looks like an ear infection,” said the dr. “I’ll prescribe an antibiotic.” Worried about the baby, we began Operation Sibling Quarantine. Too late. 
Devin tested positive for RSV at two weeks old. 
Little did I know this was just a taste of what was ahead for our family. Dom would get sick. Two days later, Charlee would come down with a fever. Two days later, I wouldn’t feel so hot. The cycle continued—each family member generously taking his turn with a bout of sickness. “What are you doing?” Marshall asked. 
I stood facing our wall calendar. “I’m tracking who gets sick. Maybe it’s not as bad as it feels.” A month in, I stopped. It was as bad as it felt. 
The struggles extended into nap schedules, car seat arrangements, laundry, bathing, and clothing our family. “It’s our third baby! Shouldn’t we know what we are doing by now?!” At a MOPS meeting, seated across from a mom of three grown boys, I got my answer.
“It takes at least a year to find a new normal after having a baby. Every time.” She continued, “Every time a child is added into the picture, the entire family will need to get a handle on the changes that come with the new addition.” Oh.
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Want to read more? I’m looking for feedback from moms with more than one kid or preparing to have that second or third bundle of joy. 
PM me for details!!

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