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If Not For Grace: Raising Kids Who Make Mistakes

April 5, 2017

We teach our children to love one another. Be kind to one another. To share. To forgive. To ask others for forgiveness. But am I extending grace?

Grace in the Flesh

There’s a fear as a parent that kind of sneaks up on you. I really don’t think it is there when you say I do. It may cross your mind when you see the (+) sign on the pregnancy stick. It may creep up here or there as you contemplate your little one’s future but it definitely doesn’t consume your thoughts as you rock your sweet baby to sleep.

But over time it does come. For me, the fear has begun to surface now at the tender parenting age of 6. I’ve been doing this mom thing for 6 years now. Wow. Seems longer in some ways and in others so brief. I sure do know less than I thought I did six years ago.

As my eldest nears the end of his first year of kindergarten, as he continues to grow in his understanding of good choices and bad choices, as he experiments with using kind words and mean words, and as his thoughts become more articulate and his memory more photographic, it is now that the fear can overtake me.

Not always, of course, but it is there all the same. The fear that I will fail in raising my children to live their lives fully surrendered to Christ.

What if I fail in raising my children to live their lives fully surrendered to Christ?

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Grace has many facets

It’s funny…ironic. I’m not worried about them failing in other areas.

Fall off your bike? No big deal! Dust your knees off and let’s get back on!

Make a C in Algebra? No worries! Let’s tackle this Math giant together.

Didn’t make the basketball team? That’s okay. Let’s practice this summer together and give it another try next season.

Make a decision that contradicts everything that Mom and Dad have tried to teach you about living for Christ?

Utter. Fear.

Make a bad choice. No. I mean a really really REALLY bad choice…and I’ve failed as a parent.

Question your faith? Well, that’s okay….I want you to truly own your faith. But please don’t do something so terribly bad that it alters your future, okay.

Deep breath.

My eldest is 6 and a first born-compliant-extrovert.

Photo Credit: Captured Photography by Emily

My daughter is sassy and stubborn but that comes with 4, right?

Photo Credit: Captured Photography by Emily

And the baby (age 2)? His greatest transgression is flipping out if we don’t rock before bedtime.

Photo Credit: Captured Photography by Emily

In time, however, all three will fail. They will all make the wrong choice. It could be as seemingly insignificant as coloring on the walls with crayons or as drastic as a rebellious stint around town painting graffiti on walls {do people still do that?}. Actually they do and you can read about it here.

How will I respond when these and the in-between mistakes happen?

Grace by Example

We teach our children to love one another. Be kind to one another. To share. We entreat them to forgive. To ask forgiveness.

Am I doing the same? Am I extending grace?

Or am I that example that says in a pharisaical way that only certain sins are forgive-able? Do my actions illustrate the lie that there are levels of transgressions?

OR do I show that GRACE is GRACE is GRACE!

Sure. There are natural consequences to each choice we make. There are results we must live with because of those decisions. Good and bad.

In the midst of every decision, however, do my children know that I love them without conditions. That more importantly their heavenly Father loves them without prerequisite. Do my children understand that although my actions and responses to their choices may be flawed that the love of God is without blemish…that it is UNconditional….pouring out…OVERFLOWING in buckets of grace.

We teach our children to love one another. We entreat them to forgive. Are we doing the same? 

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Grace Comes from Him

We teach our children to love one another. Be kind to one another. To share. To forgive. To ask others for forgiveness. But am I extending grace?

How do I teach my children to make the best choices? How do I give them permission to fail when I am honestly so terrified to see them fail? When I fear the height from which they may descend before they learn to soar?

And then the verses come:

“…And while we were still sinners Christ died for us”. {Romans 5:8}

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” { Ephesians 2:8}

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need”. {Hebrews 4:16}

In that moment, I am reminded that my husband and I have been blessed with three beautiful children who are on loan as the saying goes. We feed them, clothe them, sing and dance with them when they are young. We read with them, talk with them about the saving grace of Jesus Christ; the SAVIOR who died to pay the insurmountable debt of sin that we could not…will never be able to pay.

Grace for Each New Day

So..in this scary world of conflicting statements and questions like:

“What is truth?”

“It doesn’t really matter what you believe. You do your thing and I’ll do mine. It’s all good.”

“What does the Bible really say about A,B, and C?”

“That’s okay for you but I’m making my own path.”

In the midst of all that, I can love like Jesus, teach my children to do the same, love His word, teach His word, extend grace, receive grace, pray, pray, PRAY and watch the Holy Spirit stir their hearts and lead them on their own journey with Christ.

Will there be scabbed knees, literally and spiritually, along the way? You betcha! But I have to trust that the God who pursued my heart, and who continues to call to me and remind me of His unfailing love for me, is calling out to my children as well. I have to believe that His grace is deeper, wider, and of greater substance than anything I can muster up on my own. He loves me (and them) faults and all.

He loves us just like He loves:

  • Judas who betrayed him
  • Peter who denied him
  • Paul who persecuted him

His grace never ran out on them…it hasn’t run out on me.  And it won’t run out on my children.

They have amazing futures ahead of them. They will make lots and lots of mistakes along the way.

But that is okay because….GRACE.

 


this post was originally published on lifeizbeautyful.me The content has been updated but is the intellectual property of pattyparker.me


Photo Credit for the beautiful images of my children goes to Captured by Emily Photography

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Comments

  1. Beth says

    April 8, 2017

    Love this! My daughter is 2 and I’m trying to mentally prepare for the rest of her life and wanting to make sure she makes good choices.

    Reply
    • Patty Parker says

      April 11, 2017

      It’s hard!!! But also so beautiful when you see them make the right choice because Jesus is the “boss of their life” and “the Holy Spirit helped me do the right thing even though I wanted to say something mean.” <3

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Chasing Famous: Book Review and Giveaway! ⋆ PattyParker.me says:
    April 11, 2017 at 3:10 am

    […] her chapter called “Stage Mom”. It’s all about parenting. We all want our kids to make the right choices  and ultimately honor God but how do we do it? Lisa shares about her eldest’s first encounter […]

    Reply
  2. When a Little Thing Makes a Big Difference ⋆ PattyParker.me says:
    April 20, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    […] next time. When the time comes for another trip down a sidewalk to talk through the poor choices of others or our children, we’ll remind them yet again how important it is to make the right […]

    Reply

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Today we’ll walk for a friend we’ve never met but today he would have been 26. 
His life was snuffed out not because of anything he did. Rather, because his skin color was *wrong*. So today we walk because our skin color is *right*. And we just can’t take these lies any more. 
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“Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devi “Dom. Charlee. Come meet your baby brother, Devin.” My 4 year old son and 18 month old daughter peered at the little red ball yawning and stretching in my arms. “Can I hold him mommy?” Dom held out his arms to hold his new little brother. 
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Devin tested positive for RSV at two weeks old. 
Little did I know this was just a taste of what was ahead for our family. Dom would get sick. Two days later, Charlee would come down with a fever. Two days later, I wouldn’t feel so hot. The cycle continued—each family member generously taking his turn with a bout of sickness. “What are you doing?” Marshall asked. 
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